I'm Tri'ing

Since making the decsion not to do IMTX2018 I seem to be wasting time.  Work life has been crazy, my latest melt down was earlier this week and I don't think people get it.  I'm not cut out for this work, but everyone else thinks I'm doing a great job.  What the hell people.....I'm stinking up the place. I just have very different expectations of myself than others have of myself.  That is good and bad and often takes me into a hole that is very dark and difficult to get out of.  Basically I put everything into work - 9, 10, 11, 12 hour days, not working out, sneaking food so others don't see how much I'm really eating and definitely less than 4 hours of sleep a night.  This is the world I hate, this is the world I try to break free but just keep falling back into the drain. Taking another breathe - my battle runs from long, deep issues, the largest battle is realizatin that I'm sucking.  My saving grace is that I realize this so much fastter than ...

This past Tuesday I made the decision that I would not be participating in 2018 Ironman Texas and a couple of days later I'm still so very ok with that decision. From the day I signed up I was never 100% invested but knew that I would get in the groove, but I strugged and on Tuesday morning trying to get 2 hours in on the spin bike at the gym, I realized I was not happy.  The tears started to fall and I was not having fun....and the feeling that has been there for awhile became reality, I did not want to do this race.  I made the decision not to do the race - because my heart was not in it and I was forcing myself to train and try to get excited about the race.  I knew if I forced myself to do IMTX2018 I would end up hating triathlons and feared that I would never race again.  I LOVE trithlons and LOVE the bike, so when I find myself crying doing something I LOVE I knew I needed to stop. I have informed my close friends and some family.....I was worried I may dis...