I'm Tri'ing

Hard to believe 2019 is right around the corner. Hard to believe I have been unemployed for 5 business days (not counting holidays or weekends).  I wonder when I'll stop reaching for the 2nd phone or dreaming about P1/P2's? I am FREE and I'm excited and scared at the same time.  I worry about finances but the hubby says we are ok so I need to be confortable too.  My new job is to keep the house ready for sale, seems easy right, not!  My 2nd job is to fix myself - heal mentaly and become happy with myself again, I have let my job take that from me.....I started out controlling it but that did not last.  My 3rd job is to figure out what I want to do next for a real job, I know that I do not want to be in IT or be a manager and I would like to back into human services. I have started journaling again and started to be more consistent with my workouts.  Goal 1 is to lose weight.  Until we sell our house and move, I don't want to register for any ...

It's now been 6 weeks of steady exercise, including sticking to the routine while on travel to India.  My eating habits have wandered a bit but I know what I need to do. Recently I have decided that I'm going to live the life I want and not what everyone else wants.  All my life I have been ruled by someone else making decisions, telling me what to do or wanting to make the right decisions to please everyone else but not really doing what I want. I realized the 1st time I made a decision / choice for myself  was when I met my now husband and decided to marry him; 22 years later it still is the best decision I made.  He has always supported me; which is something that is unusual for me an it's taken me awhile to realize this.  I've always played life safe rather than risking and following my dreams/desires. Triathlon was my 2nd decision, by me and for me.  I have neglected those desires because of work pressures.  I realize that my current job wil...

The first time in a very long time I have stuck to an exercise and healthy eating regimen for 3 weeks and I'm super proud of myself.  I'm thick headed and it takes me a long time to remember what is important and I when I get off track I really get off track.  I have been letting work rule my life for a very long time.  Work stopped me from doing Ironman Texas 2018 earlier this year and it's been downhill since.  I contiue to struggle with that decision and I'm realizing how much it pisses me off that I let that take something away from me.  So the only way to get past this is to get back to putting myself first. Tomorrow I turn 48 and I know that I have wasted many of my years doing things I didn't want to do. I want to make that turn, and I want it to be a permanent turn.  I am my happiest when I focus on me, being healthy and enjoying life.  Work is work, it will never give me as much gratification as I get from taking care of myself, so here we...

For the past few years I have used triathlons as my way to "get healthy / get in shape and lose weight."  Then of course after a race, I break down, gain weight and lose my "healthy lifestyle".  I've decided in order to truly change, I can't use triathlon as the goal. So I'm changing my goal.  Funny thing is I have always said it's a lifestyle change, but I was never living that change.  Last week I got back to the gym - only twice for the week - but that is better than the week before and this week will be better than last.  I started receiving treatment last week for my plantar fasciitis and I'm going to talk to the Dr about my shoulders pain.  Until I figure out my shoulder issues, I'll stick to running, biking and doing lower body strength training.  I just hope it's nothing long term or something that requires more than PT/stretching. I also realize that much of my lack of a healthy lifestyle is very much work related.  I hav...

Since making the decsion not to do IMTX2018 I seem to be wasting time.  Work life has been crazy, my latest melt down was earlier this week and I don't think people get it.  I'm not cut out for this work, but everyone else thinks I'm doing a great job.  What the hell people.....I'm stinking up the place. I just have very different expectations of myself than others have of myself.  That is good and bad and often takes me into a hole that is very dark and difficult to get out of.  Basically I put everything into work - 9, 10, 11, 12 hour days, not working out, sneaking food so others don't see how much I'm really eating and definitely less than 4 hours of sleep a night.  This is the world I hate, this is the world I try to break free but just keep falling back into the drain. Taking another breathe - my battle runs from long, deep issues, the largest battle is realizatin that I'm sucking.  My saving grace is that I realize this so much fastter than ...

This past Tuesday I made the decision that I would not be participating in 2018 Ironman Texas and a couple of days later I'm still so very ok with that decision. From the day I signed up I was never 100% invested but knew that I would get in the groove, but I strugged and on Tuesday morning trying to get 2 hours in on the spin bike at the gym, I realized I was not happy.  The tears started to fall and I was not having fun....and the feeling that has been there for awhile became reality, I did not want to do this race.  I made the decision not to do the race - because my heart was not in it and I was forcing myself to train and try to get excited about the race.  I knew if I forced myself to do IMTX2018 I would end up hating triathlons and feared that I would never race again.  I LOVE trithlons and LOVE the bike, so when I find myself crying doing something I LOVE I knew I needed to stop. I have informed my close friends and some family.....I was worried I may dis...

Have to say when I looked at the countdown clock this morning, I thought ok 2 months, but when I looked at my training plan and realized 10 weeks?  Holy crap, that isn't long, almost in single digits.  Still have a long way to go but my focus gets better every day. Last week I got my bike saddle adjusted and life is MUCH better.  I was struggling with an hour ride so very thankful to the team at Britton Bikes getting me back on track. My shoulder pain comes and goes but is manageable at this point, otherwise at this point the body is holding up well.  I'm still frustrated with my weight loss, or lack of, just need to be further along than I am at this point.  I did finally get 1 strength training session in last week....hey I know that sucks but I haven't gotten any in so that is better. This week I go for 2, I know it will help me, just struggle with time but need to make it a priority at least twice a week. Remember: Keep work in it's place. You are...

Had a pretty good training week, we won't talk about the work week 😡 Today I dropped BB (black beauty) off at the bike shop to get a check-up, I'm going to pick her up on Thursday and try for another round of testing out saddles.  I have suffered 2 years with the current saddle and I just need to make some effort to try again.  I know I'm not going to be doing full distance racing after this year but I still want to get a saddle that is more comfortable than what I currently have.  After about 1.5 hours, I'm ready to be done so 6+ hours is difficult. Still moving along with my weight loss, but WAY off target of what I was hoping to be by this time.  I still have time but need to be on target with workouts and eating.  We typically do one splurge meal every week but we have changed it to every other week.  I know many would say if you need to lose the weight then you should remove the splurges all together well that just won't work for me.  If I do...

Can't believe IMTX2018 is less than 90 days.  Even though I have completed 2 IMs, you still feel like it's your first, which for me is good.  Never assume because you have done it once means you can do it again.  I always try to put my best effort into training, not always successful, but never dwell.  Just reflect and move on.  I have realized that more than ever I struggle to train on weekends.  My time with the hubby and our furry baby is so precious to me and scarce during the week that I want to spend as much time with them as possible on the weekends.  So I have decided to make some modifications to the schedule that will mostly allow me to limit weekend training to 1 day.  The sacrifice to accomplish this is getting up earlier during the weekend to extend my workouts.  Over the next 13 weeks, I will only have 3 weekends at 7 days s a week instead of 6. My new nutrition plan (focus on protein and lower carbs/sugar) is working well...

I was hoping to do a better job of posting updates on how training is going but since it's been 2 weeks since my last post, not sure I have done a very good job. In November I posted some focus points and for the past 2 months I'm doing well. Weightloss - I'm down 11 lbs since restarting my focus.  I'm working to balance protein, carbs and fat intake by eating whole foods and limiting the amount of processed food I eat.  Last week I did well but still room for improvement but nothing to beat myself up about as its always a learning experience. Focus - I know who I'm working and training for and that is the most important person in my life = ME. Commitment to overall goal - I realize as mentioned before that this will be my last full Ironman and I'm fine with that.  So far enjoying the training journey and treating it like the first time.   Work/life balance - this is always the biggest struggle for me and so far I would give myself a C +.  I ha...

IMTX 2018 training started 7 weeks ago and I have 17 weeks left and I'm ready to start moving in a new direction.  I've joined a group with the mantra - Year of No Nonsense.  I have realized I carry a lot of baggage that is just nonsense.  This is not a New Years resolution, this is me focusing on taking the next steps in getting my life on track.  I made a very important step in that direction 5 years ago and have taken baby steps over the past 5 years but I still carry a great deal of baggage that has been holding me back from taking complete control of my life.  I'm ready to take that final leap into truly focusing on myself. None of this past drama is being carried into the New Year.  I'm going to focus on what I want and looking towards the future with a positive attitude.  I have forgiven myself for the past and those that have hurt me.  That baggage is in the trash and I feel a lot lighter for getting rid of it. I've also realized t...