Since making the decsion not to do IMTX2018 I seem to be wasting time. Work life has been crazy, my latest melt down was earlier this week and I don't think people get it. I'm not cut out for this work, but everyone else thinks I'm doing a great job. What the hell people.....I'm stinking up the place.
I just have very different expectations of myself than others have of myself. That is good and bad and often takes me into a hole that is very dark and difficult to get out of. Basically I put everything into work - 9, 10, 11, 12 hour days, not working out, sneaking food so others don't see how much I'm really eating and definitely less than 4 hours of sleep a night. This is the world I hate, this is the world I try to break free but just keep falling back into the drain.
Taking another breathe - my battle runs from long, deep issues, the largest battle is realizatin that I'm sucking. My saving grace is that I realize this so much fastter than I use to so now the he hard part is getting back on track. So here we are again, same story, different day.
Lets see how this week goes and I'll get back to you.
I just have very different expectations of myself than others have of myself. That is good and bad and often takes me into a hole that is very dark and difficult to get out of. Basically I put everything into work - 9, 10, 11, 12 hour days, not working out, sneaking food so others don't see how much I'm really eating and definitely less than 4 hours of sleep a night. This is the world I hate, this is the world I try to break free but just keep falling back into the drain.
Taking another breathe - my battle runs from long, deep issues, the largest battle is realizatin that I'm sucking. My saving grace is that I realize this so much fastter than I use to so now the he hard part is getting back on track. So here we are again, same story, different day.
Lets see how this week goes and I'll get back to you.
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