I'm Tri'ing

Hard to believe 2019 is right around the corner. Hard to believe I have been unemployed for 5 business days (not counting holidays or weekends).  I wonder when I'll stop reaching for the 2nd phone or dreaming about P1/P2's? I am FREE and I'm excited and scared at the same time.  I worry about finances but the hubby says we are ok so I need to be confortable too.  My new job is to keep the house ready for sale, seems easy right, not!  My 2nd job is to fix myself - heal mentaly and become happy with myself again, I have let my job take that from me.....I started out controlling it but that did not last.  My 3rd job is to figure out what I want to do next for a real job, I know that I do not want to be in IT or be a manager and I would like to back into human services. I have started journaling again and started to be more consistent with my workouts.  Goal 1 is to lose weight.  Until we sell our house and move, I don't want to register for any ...

It's now been 6 weeks of steady exercise, including sticking to the routine while on travel to India.  My eating habits have wandered a bit but I know what I need to do. Recently I have decided that I'm going to live the life I want and not what everyone else wants.  All my life I have been ruled by someone else making decisions, telling me what to do or wanting to make the right decisions to please everyone else but not really doing what I want. I realized the 1st time I made a decision / choice for myself  was when I met my now husband and decided to marry him; 22 years later it still is the best decision I made.  He has always supported me; which is something that is unusual for me an it's taken me awhile to realize this.  I've always played life safe rather than risking and following my dreams/desires. Triathlon was my 2nd decision, by me and for me.  I have neglected those desires because of work pressures.  I realize that my current job wil...

The first time in a very long time I have stuck to an exercise and healthy eating regimen for 3 weeks and I'm super proud of myself.  I'm thick headed and it takes me a long time to remember what is important and I when I get off track I really get off track.  I have been letting work rule my life for a very long time.  Work stopped me from doing Ironman Texas 2018 earlier this year and it's been downhill since.  I contiue to struggle with that decision and I'm realizing how much it pisses me off that I let that take something away from me.  So the only way to get past this is to get back to putting myself first. Tomorrow I turn 48 and I know that I have wasted many of my years doing things I didn't want to do. I want to make that turn, and I want it to be a permanent turn.  I am my happiest when I focus on me, being healthy and enjoying life.  Work is work, it will never give me as much gratification as I get from taking care of myself, so here we...

For the past few years I have used triathlons as my way to "get healthy / get in shape and lose weight."  Then of course after a race, I break down, gain weight and lose my "healthy lifestyle".  I've decided in order to truly change, I can't use triathlon as the goal. So I'm changing my goal.  Funny thing is I have always said it's a lifestyle change, but I was never living that change.  Last week I got back to the gym - only twice for the week - but that is better than the week before and this week will be better than last.  I started receiving treatment last week for my plantar fasciitis and I'm going to talk to the Dr about my shoulders pain.  Until I figure out my shoulder issues, I'll stick to running, biking and doing lower body strength training.  I just hope it's nothing long term or something that requires more than PT/stretching. I also realize that much of my lack of a healthy lifestyle is very much work related.  I hav...

Since making the decsion not to do IMTX2018 I seem to be wasting time.  Work life has been crazy, my latest melt down was earlier this week and I don't think people get it.  I'm not cut out for this work, but everyone else thinks I'm doing a great job.  What the hell people.....I'm stinking up the place. I just have very different expectations of myself than others have of myself.  That is good and bad and often takes me into a hole that is very dark and difficult to get out of.  Basically I put everything into work - 9, 10, 11, 12 hour days, not working out, sneaking food so others don't see how much I'm really eating and definitely less than 4 hours of sleep a night.  This is the world I hate, this is the world I try to break free but just keep falling back into the drain. Taking another breathe - my battle runs from long, deep issues, the largest battle is realizatin that I'm sucking.  My saving grace is that I realize this so much fastter than ...

This past Tuesday I made the decision that I would not be participating in 2018 Ironman Texas and a couple of days later I'm still so very ok with that decision. From the day I signed up I was never 100% invested but knew that I would get in the groove, but I strugged and on Tuesday morning trying to get 2 hours in on the spin bike at the gym, I realized I was not happy.  The tears started to fall and I was not having fun....and the feeling that has been there for awhile became reality, I did not want to do this race.  I made the decision not to do the race - because my heart was not in it and I was forcing myself to train and try to get excited about the race.  I knew if I forced myself to do IMTX2018 I would end up hating triathlons and feared that I would never race again.  I LOVE trithlons and LOVE the bike, so when I find myself crying doing something I LOVE I knew I needed to stop. I have informed my close friends and some family.....I was worried I may dis...